Austria, if you're reading this, please give me a visa

For US citizens, you're allowed a 90-day tourist visa in Austria. My internship will end up lasting about a hundred some days - which requires me to get a work visa. A friend, however, advised me to "figure out all that visa stuff when you get there - no big deal." I will be filing this piece of advice alongside, "Those skinny jeans will look great on you!" in the total bullshit category.

What follows is a brief overview of my attempt to get a work visa:

1. I call the Austrian magistrate to figure out how to get a visa
2. The Austrian magistrate gives me the number to the US embassy in Vienna (?)
3. I call the US embassy
4. US embassy receptionist laughs, provides number to the Austrian mission to the UN (?)
5. I call the Austrian mission to the UN; the person to whom I should speak is on holiday (go figure)
6. I call the Austrian mission to the UN again; the receptionist tells me to visit the magistrate in person
7. I go to the magistrate's office, get a form in German that may or may not be for getting a visa
8. The clerk tells me that to process the form, I need to find who owns my building and have them sign off that I live there
9. I leave the magistrate's office, throw cell phone on the ground in frustration
10. Phone breaks

At this point, I'm not above groveling/crying/marrying an Austrian.